


Never a Burden

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 16:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14405574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: 3x06 Sneak Peek reaction ficlet!





	Never a Burden

“Look, there is no universe in which you would ever be a burden.” Before Magnus could even finish the sentence Alec looks away, unable to meet his eyes. He knows that Magnus wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it, but this is now, and no matter how often Magnus repeats his desire to live in the here and now Alec simply can’t seem to pull his mind away from painful thoughts of the inevitable future.

“You say that now…” Alec’s words trail off, hands absently folding his napkin and placing it down on the table in front of him. The french toast sat nearly forgotten already as he pushed his chair back several inches, clearly intending to get up and leave before he says something else impulsive and reckless, something he may regret.

A hand reaching across the table and coming to rest on his own brought his rushed actions to a grinding halt. He closes his eyes, overly aware of the sensations of his boyfriend’s soft hands resting on top of his own, the cold metal of rings brushing over his skin as he inhaled the sweet scent of cinnamon mixed with sandalwood as Magnus leaned into the motion.

“Stop,” Magnus says, but the word isn’t a demand. It is a request, gentle and pleading. And there is a fear there, the same fear that started to settle the day before when he raised his voice at Alexander. The same fear that starts to creep in, slowly at first, until it fills every crevasse of his being each and every time this happens to him.

Because this isn’t the first time he’s had this argument. It happened before, so, so many times. It was a debate he lost more than once and that loss is written in every frown line that crosses Magnus’ face, in the glaze of worry in his eyes as he speaks. From the people he loved and lost to the passing of time, to the people he loved and lost because they made the decision to leave before time itself could take them away from him. People he loved who made the decision that he was so impossibly afraid that Alexander was going to make, the choice to leave him behind ‘for his own good’, before ‘he got tired of them’ or ‘they were too old to be fun any longer’. Phrases repeated and throw at him time and time again, century after century, like a mantra of his inability to truly love someone as an immortal. As if one’s ability to be loved simply ceased to be once they had wrinkled skin or aching bones. As if losing someone at 30 was somehow easier than losing them at 60, or 90.

Magnus refuses to lose that argument again. He refuses to allow Alec to continue with this impulsive, negative line thinking, imagining he was sparing Magnus from some cumbersome existence thirty years from now.

“Please, don’t walk away from this. From me.” Another pause, heavy with the weight of the thoughts in his head that he almost couldn’t bring himself to speak into existence. “From us,” he adds, voice barely above a whisper, the slightest tremor of apprehension in it as he fights to meet the other’s downward gaze. It takes a lot for Magnus to allow his own vulnerabilities to show like this, and he hates it, but for Alexander it is worth it. For Alexander it will always be worth it.

“I’m – I’m not.” Alec says, finally. “I’m not walking away from us. But I don’t think I can talk about this right now. I’m sorry, Magnus, I just need some time…”

Magnus doesn’t like that idea because he knows the negative space Alec’s thoughts are in right now, but he also knows better than to push it. The last thing he wants is another fight. And at least Alec is being honest and not deflecting, or storming off. It’s a start. “Alright. But promise you’ll talk to me, when you’re ready?”

As Alec nods, Magnus can feel some of the tension between them lift. Not all of it, he doesn’t imagine that will happen for a long while, but enough that Alec shifts in his seat and scoots it forward towards the table once more, turning back to their breakfast instead of turning to leave.

It was a start.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com))


End file.
